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18/09/2014

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15/08/2014

happy independence day

04/08/2014

nothing in my mind.....

06/03/2014

Ashutosh’s letter to his fellow party members after clash with BJP
Published on March 6, 2014by idiot420

Ashutosh wrote a motivational letter to his fellow party workers after yesterday’s nationwide clash with BJP. Faking News managed to get the letter using secret sources.
Dear fellow revolutionaries,
As our supreme commander Arvind has found out that India is in danger, and fortunately, apart from us, nobody can see it. We are gifted because god has blessed us with this ability to see things that others can’t. Not everyone on this planet is lucky enough to have such special power in eyes to see corruption where others see curry.
Ashutosh Shouting
Ashutosh talking politely
We are the chosen one. From inside, all of us are a combo of Batman, Superman, Iron Man, Spiderman, Chacha Chaudhary, and Nagraj.
Elections are coming, and out there many innocent and misguided people are shouting Mudy-Mudy. They are our blind brothers, they can’t see how corrupt Mudy is. It’s our job to shake them up, if required beat them up. But keep this in mind, we are doing this just because we care for them. We are not violent people.
As of now, compared to other national parties, our numbers are not huge. However remember one thing, Pandavas were only 5 but Kauravas were 100. I have read Ramayana and I no it.
We have to use our limited resources. And one of those resources is media. I was in media, and I no things. Do activities that compel cameras and reporters to turn toward you.
I also no physics. I have read that red light travels farthest, so try to turn things red, either by wearing red or bleeding red.
We should be proud of ourselves, at least we are doing something. So what if in attempt to do so, we are looking like any other party.
But still, we are party with a difference. We have power to do non-violent protest by throwing stones. Our honesty is our weapon, we should try not to loose it.
Let’s not allow Ambani and Adani high-jack our democracy and manupulate media. It’s our country, here only a aam aadmi sud be allowed to high-jack democracy and manupulate media.
At last, couple of lines for motivation: “Dil diya hai jaan bhi denge, ae watan tere liye. Kursi ka jawab pathhar se denge, ae watan tere liye.”
Po .
AAPka,

12/12/2013

Independent MLA from Delhi asks Rajiv Shukla to help him get auctioned IPL style

New Delhi. Failing to get any fair deal, Nirdaliya Sharma, an Independent MLA from Delhi has requested former chairman of IPL Rajiv Shukla to help him get auctioned IPL style.
An ardent fan of Madhu Koda, Nirdaliya dreams to repeat the same what Koda did in Jharkhand by becoming the Chief Minister of state despite being an independent MLA.
Nirdaliya had earlier tried to sell-off himself by uploading his profile on OLX and eBay, but failed to get buyers. He was asking for deputy chief minister’s post in exchange for his support.
Rajiv Shukla
Shukla explaining that the hammer will come down thrice before the MLA is declared sold
“These days political parties are very afraid of sting operations, probably that’s why they are not involving themselves directly into any kind of horse trading,” said Nirdaliya, blaming the anti-sentiments wave, “It is then, a friend of mine suggested name of Shri Rajiv Shukla as the only person who could help me to get best deal.”
Sources close to the power corridors say that Shri Shukla was initially reluctant, but later when Nirdaliya begged and reminded him of his actual duties, Rajiv agreed.
“If you are doctor, it’s your duty to help the patient even if he is your enemy. I am a gifted man and have been blessed with talent of negotiations, I can’t let it go waste. Delhi needs me, my country needs me,” declared a spirited Rajiv Shukla.
“Ab bhi jiska khoon na khaula, khun nahi woh paani hai, jo is desh ke kaam na aaye, woh bekar jawani hai,” he added.
Reportedly, Rajiv Shukla has already started the process of auction which will take place in a completely legal way.
A close aide of Shukla revealed that it will not be Nirdaliya Sharma who is going to be auctioned, it will be his shoes. Party placing the highest bid on the shoes will become owner of the shoes, and informally, of its owner.
While it appears a perfect plan, experts are not sure if this is going to work.
“Both BJP and AAP are not interested in forming the government, while Congress can’t even if it buys the MLA. I think this is not going to help,” an expert said.
But Rajiv Shukla has factored that in.
“Auction will take place at a 5 star hotel and few companies, mainly shoe brands like Adidas and Nike have agreed to sponsor the event,” he said, “If nothing, we will earn sponsorship revenues as TV is only talking about Delhi elections these days.”

12/12/2013

Police accuses terror suspect of being involved in gay s*x to get him convicted

Mumbai. Unable to prove any charges of criminal conspiracy and terrorism against a suspected terrorist, Mumbai police has now decided to slap charges of “unnatural s*x” on a man whom they want to get convicted for his deeds.
The police took this step after Supreme Court of India earlier upheld the section 377 of IPC that criminalizes gay s*x.
Protest against Section 377 march
More lethal than terrorism and other crimes according to Indian laws.
Police sources further justify their act saying they were finding it tough to prove charges against the suspected terrorists because they had become smart enough to work around criminal laws.
The Police Commissioner of Mumbai confirms that he came very close to arresting the mastermind of 3 bomb blasts, but each time he escaped conviction.
“We once caught him red handed carrying explosives like RDX and thought this was it, but he could checkmate us by producing a license that claimed that the explosives he was carrying were meant to make Diwali crackers and hence it was not illegal of him to carry them,” the police commissioner recalled.
“Later we found out that the license was issued to him after he bribed a sub-inspector from my branch,” he added.
“We were quite frustrated, but last night our havildar Pandu Ram got an MMS clip on his mobile that showed that terrorist having gay s*x with some unidentified person. He forwarded it to all of us, and this morning the SC verdict came. We decided to make the best use of these,” the commissioner explained how he plans to arrest the culprit.
When pointed out by this reporter than transmission of obscene clip was also a crime according to the Indian law, the policemen reminded us of the section 66A of the IT act, following which we decided to not ask any more questions.
Meanwhile, the chief of LeT, for which the terrorist was reportedly working, has lambasted him and threatened others of dire consequences if found following his path.
“Why else do you think we are against homos*xuality? We had warned him not to indulge in this as Indian laws are very strict when it comes to things like these. You can bomb a city and get away, but something like gay s*x will surely get you jail,” said a distraught Hafiz Saeed

01/12/2013

Railways to create separate page for each train to show live status

New Delhi. In a path breaking decision to revolutionize and modernize the train enquiry system, Indian Railways has announced to create a separate page for every train to show its running status.
“Keeping in mind the widespread use of Facebook, this will certainly ease the enquiry process of a train’s running status. Now people can easily track the location of the train in which they or their relatives have booked a ticket,” Railway Minister Mallikarjun Kharge told Faking News.
“Celebrities, TV shows, and every other thing that people want to know about, have created their own pages to keep their fans updated. So we thought to do the same,” Minister explained.
The Minister launched the page of Mumbai-Delhi Rajdhani Express, kick starting the “modernization” of Indian Railways. The page already had 5000 likes, with most of the ‘likes’ coming from Istanbul in Turkey.
“I have no idea why Turkish people love Rajdhani Express,” Kharge said, “But let’s not waste time over it. This is a grand project and we are sure that people all over the world would like it.”
Railways on Facebook
From PNR status to Facebook status
Sources claim that the government is hoping to reach out to the youth and impress them before the next general elections. The step is also expected to generate employment that will further help the government polish its electoral pitch.
“Railways will hire page handlers for each train, who will sit next to the train driver with a laptop and mobile broadband. Their job will be to write status updates throughout the journey, informing people about train’s current station and to keep posting photos and other details from journey,” a government source revealed.
“They will also post Railway jokes, but no IRCTC jokes, to get more likes,” the source revealed the government strategy for increasing the reach of such pages.
While salaries to such handlers will be an added burden to the Railways, the organization is eyeing to generate some extra revenue by roping in sponsors for each status updates. So, don’t get shocked when you see some status like: “Train is currently at New Delhi. Wear Lux thermal wears to beat Dilli ki sardi. Yeh andar ki baat hai!”
While the government is calling it a step towards modernization, critics claim that this has been done to hide technical inefficiencies and glitches that were noticed on government’s existing enquiry system. Apart from a faulty algorithm, slow servers were also blamed.
This million dollar idea of using a simple algorithm and using Facebook’s servers was conceived by one of their officers, who was surfing Facebook on duty.
“We can always blame ‘human error’ if there is a faulty update, and blame Facebook if the page is not available,” a Railways official explained why it was a million dollar idea.
New pages for different trains where being set up at the time of filing this report, while an unidentified person, claiming to be the nephew of Mallikarjun Kharge, was seen offering jobs to jobless Facebook users

01/12/2013

Ram Leela on its way to break Sachin’s record of making maximum people cry

Mumbai. After failing to break any box-office records despite a shockingly good opening, Ram Leela is now eyeing another record to make up for the lost opportunity. The film is now on its way to break a record recently created by Sachin Tendulkar, of making maximum number of people cry through his speech, albeit a little differently.
Ranveer and Deepika were the only people who laughed. Though its not sure if it they were laughing at the audience.
Ranveer and Deepika were the only people who laughed. Though its not sure if it they were laughing at the audience.
Experts claim the film has so far managed to make thousands of people LMAO (Lamenting their arse off) and ROFW (Rolling on the floor Weeping) through its storyline or rather the lack of it and is only few numbers away from breaking master’s record.
While the film has already broken the record in Mumbai circuit that comprises of Gujarat and Suarashtra, experts claim it would be an uphill task for it to break the record in Delhi and East Punjab circuit. As there it will face immense competition from Punjabi films like Ashmit Patel starrer Dil Saada Luteya Gaya which is already on a roll.
Moviegoers are in a fix as they can’t even blame film’s director Sanjay Leela Bhansali, who had given them enough warnings through his earlier films.
“I believed Bhansali when he said that this film would make everybody cry, but never imagined he was trolling us and the route the film would take to make it happen would be a nightmare. This is not how we Gujaratis behave for god’s sake!” said a man from Matunga who feels Bhansali’s films are nothing but an RGV’s film made on lavish and expensive sets.
“Yeah I cried and got emotional in the end. That of all the films I chose this one to spend my money on. I will recommend it to my boss and a colleague who got promotion ahead of me, for sure,” said another man from Ghatkopar.
But not everybody is crying. Few are thanking Bhansali for coming out with such films time and again.
“Ram Leela is a good tool to threaten and pressurize my team. Ever since I warned them of back to back to shows of this film if they fail to complete the project on time, their efficiency has increased manifold,” said Project Manager of yet another ‘leading’ IT company who wants Bhansali to continue making such films at least till his retirement.
In a related news, it is being reported (not by Ahmed Patel) that for the first time after watching Ram Leela, Congress President Sonia Gandhi didn’t have to use services of glycerin to shed tears.
Apparently she watched the film after Digvijay Singh told her that film is far too communal to be allowed to screen in India as it has extensive use of Saffron color in the background

01/12/2013

AAP to form a parallel government if they don’t win Delhi elections

New Delhi. In a press conference held at party headquarters Jantar Mantar yesterday, Aam Aadmi Party has decided to form and run a parallel govt in Delhi irrespective of whether they win the upcoming elections or not.
Arvind Kejriwal celebrating his party's victory in alternate reality with other members.
Arvind Kejriwal celebrating his party’s victory in alternate reality with other members.
“In our mind we are already the winners. We are acting like government already what with not paying electricity bills which ministers in power are known to do. We are also confident of bringing about a change in the system instantaneously after taking over unofficially,” shouted Kumar Vishwas to the media present in the conference.
“Since people in the party’s internal surveys have already elected Arvind Kejriwal as their CM, he would respect their decision and choice and preside over the CM’s chair,” he further shouted.
Sources confirm that AAP is already on their way to build an alternate CM office and residence next to the original one with the party funds, where Arvind Kejriwal and Co would sit and take important decisions like whom to expose, whose electricity meter to remove, how many more posters to put for women’s safety, how many more outlandish promises to make etc on a daily basis.
When Faking News pointed that forming a government despite losing would mean going against people’s voice, AAP’s political science expert Yogendra Yadav said he would do another internal survey to find out what people think about this move, “I have always believed ‘Internal Surveys’ are the real voice of people, solution to every problem in India and the only way forward.”
“And I am sure if at all we lose it will be only because those who were voting in the internal surveys, did not get time to vote in reality. Or they were stuck in traffic jams and could not reach the poll booths, which is again result of poor governance by Congress govt. Or there was booth capturing done by insecure BJP and Congress goons. So why should we suffer because of poor state and administration policies,” he further argued.
However neutral political experts in the country are not amused with the decision.
“What’s the point of wasting Tax Payer’s money on these meaningless elections? Why don’t we just scrap them and directly ask AAP to carry out few more internal surveys and predict winners of upcoming state and general elections as well?,” demanded to know one such expert from Times Now.
In other news taking a cue from AAP, convicted politician and ex-Bihar CM Lalu Prasad Yadav too has announced that he would run a parallel government from jail (irrespective of the result of elections) itself to counter communal forces of the country

01/12/2013

Congress fires Digvijay Singh for failing to link Modi with Tejpal scandal

New Delhi. Fed up with growing incompetency of senior party leader Digvijay Singh in linking and blaming Narendra Modi with any ongoing controversial event of late, Congress High Command has decided to fire the RSS hand finder.
Sources tell Faking News that Congress leader Sonia Gandhi had been observing his performance rather scrupulously over the last few months.
“He failed to blame Modi when vegetable prices were high, he failed to blame Modi when Pakistan persisted with ceasefires, in fact, he even failed to blame Modi when Ishant went for 30 runs in an over!” a Congress source revealed Digvijay Singh’s problems.
Digvijay Singh
Digvijay claimed he wasn’t enjoying slandering Modi as much of late
The final nail in the coffin was when even after a week of Tejpal controversy breaking out, the former CM of Madhya Pradesh failed to link the current CM of Gujarat CM in any way to it. His failure to squarely lay blame of the scandal on Modi and hold him responsible for it upset the high command and questions were raised over his ability, which cost him his job.
Although he did speak out yesterday, but mere his support of Tejpal and insinuating BJP behind all this was not deemed enough. Sonia Gandhi and other senior leaders felt he should have been more specific in his accusations.
Many in the party feel that Digvijay Singh is on decline now and he should retire, making way for some Jhas and Tewaris. But not all have lost hope.
“Form is temporary, class is permanent. I’m sure he will bounce back and blame Modi for something,” Congress leader Salman Khurshid hoped.
However, the party high command has made up its mind, sources say. The party is willing to give Digvijay Singh an honorable and graceful exit.
In what is being purported to be his last encounter with media and public at large, he would be asked to go to Barkha Dutt’s 9 PM show and show his class to the entire nation for one last time.
Earlier the plan was to send him to Arnab Goswami’s The Newshour, but just the way BCCI changed its itinerary from South Africa to West Indies for Sachin Tendulkar’s last series, Congress thought it would be better to field him against an opposition which echoes Digvijay’s views and where he has a chance of at least saying something.
Congress workers on Twitter will trend and when the show goes live, Twitter sources confirm.

17/11/2013

After Sachin retirement his oldest and greatest FAN goes for SU***DE

Mumbai: He told srs that now he is having no ambition of life so finally he will SU***DE.He has declared and calibrate his day of a DEATH as day after sachin get bharat ratna

17/11/2013

Why you shouldn’t give Virat Kohli a target of 300

Once again, Virat Kohli helped India successfully chase a target in excess of 300 runs in an ODI. The opposition teams, by now, must have understood what happens when they give him a target of over 300.

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