11/18/2025
🦃 🚨 FINAL WARNING: Jake's Fire Sale is CRITICAL! 🚨
Friends, family, and distant acquaintances who just want a good deal: We are now at 50% OFF for Jake's epic "Going Out of Business" Sale, and the man is getting desperate.
Jake's remaining inventory (i.e., his entire house) is priced to move, people! He's currently staring at the calendar, muttering about how the only thing he wants to be stuffing on Turkey Day is a cranberry sauce-covered bird, NOT his garage full of half-priced belongings.
Help a guy clear the decks so he can actually enjoy Thanksgiving! Come get your treasures before he just leaves them on the curb. Seriously, he's threatening to.
➡️ 50% OFF EVERYTHING NOW!
➡️ Goal: ZERO INVENTORY BY NEXT THURSDAY! (The big one. The one with pie.)
➡️ DM Jake for details/address!